Life Hurts, But Hope Helps

Greg

When my wife and I met, many years ago, we had similar backgrounds when it comes to theology and religious activity.  We also were not examples of holiness when we met.  As someone who had once yielded to Christ a few years prior to my wife and I meeting, some stern preaching had brought me to my knees in repentance over some moments where I had given in to temptation since then. I was determined to never let anything like that happen again. I committed myself and my marriage to the Lord. The further I went, the more I realized there was much I needed to "unlearn", and through personal study I began moving away from religious activity to the holiness without which no man shall see the Lord.  

I became a preacher. The pastorate can be hard on any family.  I believe the powers of darkness moved against my family in those days.  I would go on to work in institutional corrections, which would wreak havoc on me mentally. I was exposed to terrible things that led me to mental vulnerability. I went through darkness as I battled with mental images, ethical dilemmas in my line of work, feelings of guilt over past sins - in short, I lived in utter despair.  Hope had left me.  As I struggled, my wife came to me and revealed her own attack by the powers of darkness. Many of the things we suffered through have since been worked out or have been better understood, but the powers of darkness still whisper in our ears at times, trying to drag us down, trying to devour us.  We were down.  It was a darkness that I cannot describe and I do not even want to try. After we moved to Alaska we were still dealing with pain and heartache. 

In Alaska, my wife became pregnant with our final two children. During an ultrasound, a mass was found in her bladder. It turned out it was very early-stage bladder cancer.  We were devastated.  Was I in despair? To say yes is an understatement.  I wanted all of life to be over.  I was tired of hurting. Tired of the pain.  Some Christian friends prayed with us multiple times, anointing my wife with oil and crying out to God for healing. My wife underwent surgery while she was still carrying the twins, and the tumor was removed.  She has had multiple checkups since that time (over three years now) and the doctor cannot even tell where the tumor was located in her bladder. Praise be to God.  I do not want to live without her.  I cannot imagine doing so.  She is my best friend and my fellow warrior on the battlefield of life.

As many others can say, I know pain.  I know mental darkness.  I know spiritual warfare. How have I made it through?  Hope.  Hope in Christ my Lord and what lies ahead for Christians.  And hope in a precious relationship in which I am the recipient of a woman's love - the woman that God has given to me as my helpmeet, that God has commanded me to love as Christ loves the Church.  Engraved on the blade of a knife I had custom made are the words - Jesus My Lord, Kari my Lady. Though I have failed them both in the past at times, I want to honor them both in all that I do, every day of my life, forever.

Suffering will continue to be a part of human existence until the Lord's return. But he will return. One day suffering and evil will be removed from God's universe.  What a day that will be.